The Sea

A short story

The afterlife was stranger than I thought it would be. It wasn’t hell; it wasn't heaven either, but rather it was pieces of me. Pieces of me everywhere. I saw these pieces as small, office sized glass cubicles spaced from one another. Cubicles in which I could enter and explore. Cubicles connected by quartz floors, ladders, and staircases; lit by a fluorescent white light that beamed through the hallways and staircases that made this complex of cubicles. But what fascinated me most about these cubicles is what I saw in them. Parks from my childhood, an old college dorm, and sometimes it would just be a road I passed through years ago. But it was all things from me. Everything I looked at gave me some feeling of nostalgia.

As I walked through the twisting floors and curtains that gave me this feeling, I heard my name echo to me; “Loid.” And the more I wandered the more I heard my name, “Loid.” It was quiet though. Like someone shouting from afar, yet still standing right in front of me. However, I soon did hear my name- not as a distorted echo; but from behind me.

“Loid.” The voice shattered every other noise for a moment. As I turned I saw something. I saw a very large bird named Claw. I knew its name because it was engraved on its eye. The eye that stared intently at me. And then Claw spoke.

“I take care of you…, Loid.” It spoke from its large beak. It sounded like a dying old man, but with the mannerisms of a child. Taken back by this sight, I stood in awe.

“This is your home for eternity. This is made up of moments from your time alive.” It spoke again.

I directed the rest of my body to face Claw.

        “Do you remember how you died? How did Loid die?” Its head shifted, now revealing its left eye. Its ginormous eye.

        How did I die? I remember moments…, feelings. I remember the shattered glass. I remember… feeling pain. I was on my head. There was… heat… fire. And there was also… there was a voice. Her voice. I remember that voice and I… I hate it. I hate her.

        “An accident.” I cut off my thoughts quickly.

        “I’m truly sorry.” There was a moment of silence as I stood, still in shock. The shock of death had caused me to just accept the strangeness of the afterlife; yet this bird still caused me to freeze.

        “What- What is this?” I finally asked, clearing the awkwardness.

        “This is your home. I will take care of your home, Loid. Is that okay, Loid?” I couldn’t seem to respond. I tried, but soon it left. I assume it got bored of me.

I forgot to introduce myself to Loid. They told me that it’s rude not to introduce yourself. But I’m busy with something else, see. I found a wreck… I think this is the ‘accident’... where he died. I see him flipped over, I see glass as well… not from the cubicle… the- car… as they call them. And fire. Lot’s of fire. But what I also see is a girl. A girl trying to help, despite there being a lump on her belly. I think that means there is another human inside of her. She is “pregnant”, as they say. But he is already dead. Loid is already dead. Yet she still tries to help. I don’t know much about humans, but I know they have someone they love. I wanted to surprise Loid.

        I awoke to knocking while laying on my childhood bed. It was small, but it gave me comfort. I found it in a cubical. I heard my mother’s voice come from this cubicle… that's what drew me closer. (What also drew me closer was the door. Unlike the other cubicles, this door wasn't glass. This door was wood. I remember very vividly this door being wood.) The knocking however, didn’t give me a pleasant feeling. I stood up, tired, but at peace. Death gave me everything. I had a conversation with my father before resting; I found him in the living room cubical. He may not be real, but he felt real… in a strange, strange way.

        That feeling of ‘real’ however, is what soon brought me torture. I opened the door, and was met with the most undelightful, horrible, and disappointing sight I could have imagined. I saw that face that I hated. I saw her. I saw Ray. I hated Ray.

        Loid looked mad. He looked angry. Why is he mad? I leaned more behind the wall. Will Loid be mad at me for sending her to him? Shouldn’t Loid love her? I tried to listen in, but I couldn’t hear… so I crawled.

        I was taught by them how to crawl. I have power in this Sea… so I can change it. I moved through a wall, and over a lamp, and eventually perched myself on top of the cubicle. The cubicle that has Loid’s room. Loid… Loid is standing right below me. I can see Loid through the glass, and I can see her. What… What was her name…? I never found a name-

        “Ray…?” I heard Loid speak. Her name was Ray. She was a pretty woman. A pretty woman indeed. Ray. Then I heard Ray talk.

        “Help me, Loid. I need help.” Her smile was wide, eyes soulless. But her voice was… Ray’s voice was scared.

        “No. I don’t need to help you.” The door slammed. He was very angry at Ray. Loid was angry at Ray. But why? Why was Loid angry at Ray?

        I stared through the glass wall of the cubicle. Looking, yet still wishing against the sight of her. The horrible face. A disgusting face.

        “Who is Ray?” I heard Claw’s voice again. When I looked behind me, I was face to face with it. This time, it sat atop my bed. I saw my face with all its imperfections; wrinkles and curls, looking at me through the reflection of the eyeball.

        “Someone I hate. She was one of the worst things that had ever happened to me when I was alive.” I spoke with a tone that suggested for him to never show her again. But it obviously didn't work. He leaned closer until the reflection in his eyes almost completely filled my field of view. He leaned so close it looked like I was staring at a clone of myself through a stained glass.

        “But why do you hate? Can you tell me why?” As it talked, I couldn't help but notice something change. My hair was- my hair was falling out. I stared in horror, frozen, and couldn't seem to move a muscle. Soon, my now bald head began to melt. It began to sizzle. Reddish bubbles grew and popped along with the drizzling blood that began to drip by my eyes. I saw my brain; and from the brain came more blood. Blood that fell across my horrified expression. And when the blood covered my face and later vanished, I saw her. I saw Ray in the reflection. I was Ray. So I ran. But as I did, I saw myself in the glass wall reflection, and I wasn’t Ray. I was me again. I was Loid.

Loid only hates. Why does Loid hate Ray? I tried to figure it out with my eyes, but he got scared. He gives no reason. He has no motivation… he just hates. I’ve been exploring for some time. I’ve found almost every cubicle with Ray. Ray does nothing wrong to Loid. Loid only does wrong to Ray. So why does Loid hate Ray? I am curious. I need to know why. I can’t rest, I am always wondering why.

        I took a bite into the mandarin, and wasn't hungry anymore. I had no idea what to expect in the afterlife, but I never thought hunger would affect me. I can’t die, but after living here for around two months, I still feel an empty stomach grumble every now and again while wandering.

I finished the fruit and threw the peels on the floor and continued watching TV. I was standing in a cubicle that showed a piece of my childhood video store. The TV showed clips of shows and movies for display. This place had a familiar ambiance. One that gave me a familiar feeling of comfort. Sadly, that comfort was gone, and the TV flipped off. Confused, I walked over to the display, only to be met with a new bitter feeling. The television flashed a face. The image didn’t stay long, but it lasted long enough for me to see. It was her. It was Ray’s face. She was crying, I think. She was sad. Of course she’s sad. Always sad. Always making noise. So I fled. I had to stay away from her.

        I slammed the door behind me and wandered further through the complex. I didn’t need to suffer here. If I could just find a way to escape her. I hoped I could escape her for the rest of my consciousness in this place, but that presence still followed me. Somehow, that face still followed me after death.

        I reached the cubicle which contained my room. I have not returned here since my last experience, but I believe I can rest here now. I opened the wooden door, and after pausing to observe the space, closed the door behind me. While sitting on the bed, I panicked. The simple fact that Ray was still able to look at me in this place stung me. And that sting dug deep.

        “You hate for no reason.” That voice filled my mind again. And again, came from behind me.

        “You don’t deserve happiness, Loid.” I stood to face the bird who had shoved itself into the corner of the cubicle. Before I could respond, I heard crying from my closet. Muffled, and screeching. But I didn’t open the closet. I already knew who it was. It was her. That horrible, constant wailing was Ray’s. It was almost as horrible as her face. So I ran, I needed to leave her.

        Loid ran away like a coward. After leaving my room, he tried to go to his college dorm. He couldn't be happy. I put Ray inside. I made her smile, and when Loid realized, he got angry. Then he tried leaving for another cubicle. So I put Ray everywhere. Every glass dorm had the smiling face of Ray. His response contained fear, but mostly anger. But I left one room open. One place to hide. It was a cell. A stone cell. And he did retreat to that cell. And he rested there. He rested there for a long time.

The rhythmic tapping of my clock I used to be familiar with has, and continues to bang against my brain like a crying pulse. I have been suffering through this pulse for eight days. Each tick sends a reminder of my starvation. I can’t die but- but I’m so goddamn hungry. I focus on this clock not for my own torment, but rather a distraction from the figure that stands at my door. Ray. I hate Ray. I want Ray to leave. I want Ray to die.

And soon the thoughts of Ray are interrupted as I look up. Look up to Claw. Its boney long arms swing through my glass walls. The arms are then followed by a bush of dark brown feathers and patches of skin; also sinking through the ceiling. And as Claw sinks I rise, and look up to the face that will soon also sink. And that face does, and I see Claw’s eye. Its head is tilted to the right like a crow, but its large eye still watches. It watches and I look.

“Why do you hate?” It croaked.

A stupid question.

“Why do you hate me?” I respond… and it’s head leans closer.

The Claw sinks further, and croaks again, “No,” and I feel its hand pound on my head. The pound falls through me and stops inside my skull. The jolt of the fist shudders me downward, but I remain standing.

“Why do you hate?”

My skull crumbles along with my vision, and I’m dying. Not in this stone cell of course, but in my car. The car is burning, and I see Ray in that stupid dress running to me. Running faster and faster. And she’s screaming. Screaming at me. I feel another jolt. The screaming still persists, though. This time, she’s screaming for help. She needs my help to raise her child. I can’t raise a child. I can’t help. Why does she keep asking me to help? I told her I can’t help. Then there's a third jolt. A jolt that sends my car spinning out on the highway. And I crash. There’s the fire. The heat. The pain. But no pain can be more horrible than Ray’s screaming. Screaming at me again. Always screaming. Always needing. As I die, I see her run to me. I can’t tell why she is yelling, however I know it doesn't matter. She’s always screaming. Screaming. Why is she screaming? Always screaming… (man, I’m so fucking hungry.) And then came the final jolt, and I was fine. My skull was fine. And before me, was Claw.

“And that is why you hate?” It spoke.

“Why didn’t you help? Why didn’t you try?” I didn’t listen. I couldn’t listen. My starvation filled every thought in my brain. I needed food. I needed to eat.

        I look down on Loid and see rage. Rage that annoys me. Why does he rage? Selfish. I moved. Moved my arm up from his head. And when I moved, he moved. Moved away towards the glass door and screamed at Ray. Why is he screaming? Because Loid is angry. He tells Ray to leave, but I make Ray stay. I make Ray smile. I make Ray laugh. And when Ray is happy Loid is annoyed. And when Loid is annoyed that Ray is happy, I am happy. So I put Ray on a TV in the cell. That makes him more angry. I like hurting Loid.

My pleasure is cut off as soon as Loid does something horrible. So horrible and disgusting. Something that triggers my deep hatred for Loid. He opens the door. Not to help, because why would Loid help Ray? He opens the door because he is hungry. Loid is very hungry it seems; because he ate. At first I was confused. Why not eat food, why would he eat Ray? He kept eating and tearing and ripping at Ray. Only slowing to swallow and wipe brains and blood from the bottom of his lip. Then he stood, and yelled. He screamed. He drooled over the blood and grease that covered his hands and mouth. He had hate for Ray. And then I realized that is why Loid ate, because of his hate. And once Ray was gone, Loid continued to eat. Eating the child. No. Why would he eat the Child? Ray's belly was his plate and he ate the child. He kept eating. Soon it was just the leg, and he threw the leg away. And when the child was swallowed, I hated Loid. But after I saw him smile, I hated him with everything. I had so much hate that I wanted him to suffer so horribly. I wanted to see his skull bashed. I wanted to see his eyes be squished. I never want that to happen to anybody… but I need that to happen to Loid.

I threw him in front of a mirror.

I was thrown in front of a mirror. Around me was nothing. Below me was cold.

He tried to walk but I grabbed him.

I tried to walk, but from the reflection of the mirror I saw Claw’s dimly lit hand, and from the hands nails came strings. Strings that-

I strung into his skin. And that skin changed. Changed to my liking.

I heard my bone snap, and I grew breasts. Soon after I heard a bone snap, and-

I grew his hair.

Another snap came, and my sex changed. And when I gazed into the mirror-

I made Loid into Ray. And he was filled with hate for himself. I could sense it. He hated himself, and that made me happy. That made me very happy that Loid hated himself. But soon-

I began to tear off that horrible face. I hated that face. I hated that horrible face. So I ripped at my face. I tore my skin, stretching it like a plastic wrap. I began to see my muscle, I began to see that Ray was vanishing, and that made me happy. And soon-

He was nothing but tissue and muscle. Red and veiny. Gory and gross. Loid looked into the mirror, the skin of Ray in hand, and smiled. Smiled a smile that was dimly lit in the black and white void, but a smile I could see… a smile I knew he could see. And that smile made me hate. So I-

Started changing and twisting again. And soon I saw Ray’s face in the mirror. So I was no longer happy, instead I hated the face that was looking back at me. So-

He tore again. Loid ripped and tore again. Soon Ray was once again gone, and he was happy and I was angry. And soon Ray came back. And I was happy, and he was angry. When I hated, he was happy. When he hated, I was happy.